On an episode of Sex and the City, Aidan moves in with Carrie and they temporarily share one small apartment while waiting for the one next door to open up. Aidan asks Carrie to clean out her closet to make room for his stuff and she reluctantly agrees. A fight breaks out and it goes from something small to a main issue as fights usually do. And, in keeping with the nature of a real relationship, Carrie leaves (storms out, actually) to cool down. When she comes home to apologize, Aidan is still clearly angry. When she sees how he is behaving, she forgets her apology and is renewed with a whole new anger. Taking a day (or two!) to think about the arugment and their behaviors, they both realize how stupid the fighting was and jointly apologize.
I love this episode (the start of the fight is the quote that titles this post) because the situation is so universal to relationships. I find that in my own relationship it often takes a day or so to realize how stupid an argument is and how important the other things are.
So this leads me to my question: is fighting actually a beneficial tool in relationships? If we didn’t fight we might bottle it up and explode… and explosions are typically (but not always) impossible to make right. Whereas arguments (while not enjoyable) can sometimes lead us to see the other person’s opinion and help us find a happy medium in the situation. And everyone knows the best part of a fight is the first day or two after you make up… you are both so nice 
So would you rather have a relationship where you never fight… but when you do its a huge explosion that could possible perfect or ruin your relationship… OR… have one where you have maybe one or two fights every couple of months.. and they are agonizing but better things?
I know which I am… the second of the two. But that doesn’t mean that’s the right choice. Although I have to admit I think the second one is ultimately healthier.
Carrie and Aidan are the second choice as well and they end up breaking up. The man she marries ends up being someone who she has the first type of relationship with so… who knows, maybe they both work?
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