I have a real job but.. I do make a good sum of my income from a celebrity gossip website. Gossip isn’t good, I hate to have people talk about me yet I like the Mariah Carey and Eminem feud. I’m sick of reading about Jon and Kate Gosselin but I love to read stories about my favorite celebrities. I’m not addicted to gossip but I make my money off of it while I maintain gossip does nothing but evil. This brings me to the big question:

Is it wrong to make money off of something you believe is bad?

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1. Important Rules of Writing
2. Guilty Pleasures

(In no order of significance)

1. Use the least amount of contractions in formal writing as possible. Papers and reports filled with “don’t”, “can’t”, shouldn’t”, and other contractions begin to make the paper sound less formal and more conversational, which is something you want to avoid. Also, people frequently misspell contractions which turns a minor infraction into a full-flown spelling and grammatical error. Contractions are no friends of formal writing!

2. Do not end sentences with preposition. Prepositions are words that indicate location and in formal writing, should not be used at the end of a sentence (can be, but really shouldn’t if it can be avoided). Example: the word “at” is a preposition. The incorrect way of ending a sentence that has a preposition is: “I don’t know where Sally is at.” The correct way of ending a sentence that has a preposition in it is: “I can’t find Sally; she isn’t at home.” If you need help figuring out what prepositions are, you can click here for assistance.

3. Be succinct. Many writers, both formally and informally, tend to use too many words to say what needs to be said. If you are someone who writes what they think, then this may be your problem (it is mine, too). Try to eliminate unneeded words to keep readers focused and interested, and length of your writing at a suitable and desirable length. Cut out extra words/descriptions and follow the sentence rule of thumb: most sentences are usually 15-20 words long. For tips on how to trim down your sentences, click here for assistance.

4. Grammar check on your own. With the invention of spell check on computers, many young writers fail to grammar and spell check their own documents. It is very important,  however, to thoroughly re-read your own work for words that your computer did not catch as misspelled in addition to checking for sentences that do not flow properly. Remember, your computer does not know if a sentence is worded wrong, it only knows if the words are actually words!

5. Proofread. Have another person proofread–out loud–a printed version of your work. Reading the words out loud forces you to hear them differently than they sound in your head (true) and having someone else read it will ensure that most mistakes are found. Simply re-reading it on your computer several times is good enough if you’re not serious–serious writers enlist a handful of proofreaders who are willing to read aloud and give constructive criticism while looking for errors. This applies to formal writing but can be used for informal writing as well.

6. Understand the words you use. Nothing sounds worse than a paper full of words that the writer clearly isn’t familiar with and does not understand. In addition to that, it is hard to read a paper where the writer is consistently misusing words like “affect” and “effect” so always keep a dictionary/thesaurus handy when writing. It’s okay to use simple words–it is more important to understand the words you use than to use big words that sound good but do not make any sense! (Note: do you know the difference between affect and effect? Grammar Girl has a great way of remembering: “The arrow affected the ardvark (to influence)” and “The effect was eye-popping (the result).”

7. Limit parenthetical remarks. Sometimes it is important to have a parenthetical note but in formal writing it is usually best to leave them out. If you feel you cannot incorporate your parethetical note into the sentence with a semi-colon, hyphen, or new sentence, then use a parenthesis for your note. Formal writing, however, is best without these notes. Example: “Ernest Hemingway (author of The Old Man and the Sea, which won a Pulitzer Prize) was criticized by William Faulkner (author of “Barn Burning” and other stories) for using small words rather than descriptive words.” Omitting the parenthetical notes, the remains understandable and is now more succinct: “Ernest Hemingway was criticized by William Faulkner for using small words rather than descriptive words.”

8. Know the number rule. Spell out single digit numbers up until nine and use numbers 10 and above. Also, be consistent: if you’re using numerals for something because it is greater than nine, use numerals for everything else in this same category, even when it is less than nine. Example: “Teddy had thirteen doves but two of them flew away.” Typically you will not have to worry about this, as most formal writers only need to know which numbers to type out (one through nine)–numbers are mostly used in research papers or as dates. If you would like to read more on this, you can click here for assistance.

9. Organization & Continuity. For formal writing, make sure you have an outline that follows your thesis and that your paper has great continuity. In my experience, the papers that skip around between ideas are the worst because, while they often say many intelligent things, the lack of organization and continuity ruins the articulate portions of the paper. With informal writing, make sure you get to your point without getting sidetracked. Notes to the boss are often best on the second draft, when you’ve elimated all the other stuff that isn’t needed. Also, make sure the last paragraph of your paper is corroborating your thesis at the beginning; this is quite important.

10. Follow the writing style. This really applies to formal writing more than informal, but when you are citing, make sure you stick to one style! MLA, APA, Chicago style–whichever it is, make sure it’s the right style for the subject of your paper and make sure you correctly follow the formatting rules for that style all the way through.

There are, of course, many other rules to remember when writing but these are the ten that I pay attention to when I am writing, e-mails and articles alike. If you need more tips, I find it helpful to simply Google my grammar question and check out the top 5 results. Or, feel free to e-mail me with any proof-reading or writing questions and I will try to answer them and if I cannot–I’ll research it!

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1. Having Your Papers Written for You: Ok or Not Ok?
2. “unfailing” & other writing ramblings
3. Poetry: What I Recently Submitted, Part I

Today I am going to start my 4th short story (working at that goal I spoke of) and hopefully get somewhere. I want to outline the whole story before starting to write this time–I mean outline down to the detail so that I know what to write instead of struggling with a plot halfway through. I typically say “ok, this story will be about this” and then start writing, but sometimes I write myself into a corner and I have no idea to get to the place I originally wanted to go. So this time I’m going to try an outline. And I am going to tell myself it’s not complete crap once it’s written… since that’s how I usually feel after I’ve read one of my own stories.

While I work on getting some new stuff written, here’s a poem I wrote not that long ago. The language could be more succinct, more tight… but I often find that wordiness is my problem. And, funny enough, my poetry is the one place I use the least amount of words. Any suggestions on this poem are welcomed with open arms.

unfailing

a silk shirt on a wire hanger
never stays in place

roses growing in the garden
always get cut down

lone shoe in the road
never finds a mate

stop signs in the desert
always go unnoticed

a woman crying in a cafe
never misses a stare

the vagrant on the corner
always has an empty cup

your whisperings in the night
never can be believed

my backbone in your presence
always seems to disappear

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1. Poetry: What I Recently Submitted, Part I
2. Having Your Papers Written for You: Ok or Not Ok?

Anyway, after the semester ended I kept writing poetry and submitting my work to journals, in hopes to be able to have “published” added to my resume because, well, it just never hurts. I fully expect to be turned down a hundred times before just one of my poems will eventually be accepted but to be quite honest, I’m looking forward to the rejection. First, I’m realistic and know my poems aren’t the best. Granted, they’re good but not great–and they aren’t all “leave everything unsaid” and “discover yourself” type of poems, which journals often like. Second, the rejection letters will probably have a lot of valuable suggestions and/or advice in them, which I desperately need. My husband isn’t much of a reader, and he isn’t into poetry, and I hate to always bother my busy friends to read every word I write. So some secondary feedback would be lovely.

I’ve only submitted to two journals–Plum Ruby Review and Fail Better–but this is just my jumping off point. I’d like to hear back from these places to make sure I’m submitting properly (which I believe I am). The poems I submitted are nearly the same and one of the poems I’ve used in class for a presentation and workshop before, so I’m getting pretty tired of it.

That Guy is a persona poem

That Guy

Dude, did I tell you I played football in high school?
Yeah, I was like, totally the star!
Dude, and all the chicks wanted me
And I banged ‘em out in my car!

Man, have I ever told you how drunk I was in college?
Yeah, I drank beer every frickin’ day!
Man, and I never even went to my classes
And I was like, NO work and ALL play!

Guy, do you know that I lift weights?
Yeah, I like am totally the strongest!
Guy, and I jog with my buddies every day,
And I like, totally last the longest!

Bud, isn’t my job the frickin’ best?
Yeah, I’m like checkin’ out the receptionists rack!
Bud, the girls at my work are so smokin’
And dude, you know I’m layin’ down the mack!

Dawg, did you see the 22s on my truck?
Yeah, I spent a couple G’s on them!
Dawg, did you hear my new system,
And how loud I’m bumpin’ Eminem!
Bro, have I ever told you how tight I am?
Yeah, I sag my pants and smoke cause I’m cool.
Bro, if you see my lady have her hit me up
And she can tell me why she thinks I’m a tool.

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